


Alexa/Alexander

by la_muerta



Series: October 2019 Writing Prompt Insanity [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mild Smut, SHFallFic Week 5: Haunted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 17:09:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21212108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_muerta/pseuds/la_muerta
Summary: "Um. Magnus, did I just hear you call your Amazon Echo thing 'Alexander' instead of Alexa?" Simon asks.--Magnus loses his husband in a car accident - but the ones we love never truly leave us.[Translation to Italian (done by the lovelykate_kate) availablehere.]





	Alexa/Alexander

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [ALEXA/ALEXANDER](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21260753) by [kate_kate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate_kate/pseuds/kate_kate)

Magnus knows he's messed up the moment the words are out of his mouth, but there's no way to call them back. His only hope is that Simon wasn't paying attention, but Simon's hearing is sharp and he's always genuinely interested in the task at hand - and the task at hand happens to be watching over Magnus. 

"Um. Magnus, did I just hear you call your Amazon Echo thing 'Alexander' instead of Alexa?" Simon asks. 

"Is it a crime to name my electronics now? I could name my coffee machine Ragnor if I wanted to. Maybe I'll name my alarm clock Simon, since it never shuts up when I want it to," Magnus snaps, and he knows he's being mean, but he just wants Simon to get out of his house. 

Simon stammers and stutters out an excuse and flees. Magnus knows he's going to call everyone the moment he's out of the building and report that Magnus is coping badly or something, but he can't bring himself to care. His friends and family can all think he's gone crazy if they want to.

The black cylinder on Magnus' coffee table lights up with a ring of blue of its own volition. "I still don't understand what Izzy saw in him," Alec's voice grumbles from inside the device, and Magnus laughs.

\--

Magnus loses Alec on a Monday, at 8.42pm.

They'd been together since high school, gotten engaged while they were in college, and finally gotten married a decade after they first met, when they'd saved up enough for their honeymoon to the Maldives. Four days after their return to New York from their honeymoon, a semi-truck that by rights shouldn't even have been allowed within the city limits rams into Alec's car on the driver's side, killing him instantly.

To say Magnus doesn't handle the loss of Alec well is a major understatement. He barely manages to make himself go to the funeral, but he knows he'll hate himself forever if he misses his last chance to say goodbye to Alec. So he forces himself to get dressed and lets Ragnor and Catarina accompany him to the church, and he even manages to say a few words for the eulogy before breaking down completely. After the funeral, Magnus doesn't step out of the apartment, but their family and friends rally around him despite their own grief, coming around with food or just to make sure Magnus isn't left alone. And there are many visitors - _too_ many of them - because Alec had been beloved. 

It just wasn't _fair_. They had been so happy, and had so many dreams for the future. They'd been planning to put in an application for adoption, Magnus' online business venture with Raphael was just taking off, and Alec was trying to get a job that would involve less travelling so that he could be home more often if their application went through. 

In the days following the accident, Magnus barely eats or sleeps. Raphael has taken over everything to do with their business for now, so Magnus is left to stare at the four walls and drown in his memories of Alec. It doesn't seem real at first, because Alec can't be _gone_ like that - he'd promised to go to Clary's art exhibition with Magnus next week, and Alec always keeps his promises. Then Magnus gets fucking furious, and he's cleared the walk-in wardrobe of half of Alec's stuff before Catarina comes over to find him slumped against the wall sobbing into one of Alec's sweaters.

But after Catarina leaves for the night to go home to her own wife and child, Magnus hears the voice coming from the study. It's a Monday, exactly seven days after the accident, and Magnus knows even before he looks at the clock that it's now 8.42pm. At first he wonders if he's finally gone mad, but the sound of that familiar voice calling his name is impossible to ignore. 

Magnus hadn't gone into this room since the accident. The first thing he notices is the black cylinder on the table - an Amazon Echo that Jace and Clary had gifted them as a wedding gift. Alec must have been messing around with it and maybe he'd recorded his voice on it for fun, Magnus decides, oddly disappointed. He isn't a superstitious person, but for a moment he'd thought... Magnus shakes his head and steps out of the room. He can't deal with hearing a voice recording right now, especially since he doesn't know what Alec might have recorded on it. 

"Magnus, wait!" 

Magnus frowns and stares at the device on the table. 

"It's me. It's Alec."

It takes approximately five seconds for the rage to return, and Magnus stomps into the room with a scowl on his face, intent on throwing the whole fucking thing out of the window. How dare it happen to say these things at this exact moment, how dare Alec have made these recordings and leave them here to rip Magnus' already tattered heart to pieces? He can barely see the cylinder through his tears in the time it takes him to reach the desk, but just as his hand closes around it, the device lights up and speaks with Alec's voice again. 

"Wait! Magnus, don't throw it, please. I don't know if I can find another way to talk to you!" 

The desperation in Alec's voice stops Magnus in his tracks, but it can't be. It has to be some sort of cruel trick. "How is it doing this?" Magnus demands furiously of the empty room. "Alexa, turn yourself off and go to hell."

"No, no, it really is me, you have to believe me," Alec's voice insists. "Magnus, I'm here, I've been here all along. I'm sort of inside the Echo, I'm using it to speak so that you can hear me."

"What's the colour of the shirt I'm wearing now?" Magnus finally asks. 

"Grey, and you're wearing my navy sweater over it, the one that I wore the first night we spent in this apartment," Alec says quickly, and adds, his voice breaking a little, "I saw you crying over it just now, and it was _killing_ me that I couldn't get you to see me or hear me, until I thought of using this."

For a long while, Magnus can't speak. He pinches himself hard on the arm, and Alec makes a small sound of protest from inside the Echo. 

"Hey, don't do that. I promise you this isn't a dream, I came back," Alec says. "Magnus, I came back to you."

"Oh my god, Alexander," Magnus gasps out, and cradles the cylinder of plastic and metal to his chest. 

\--

Alec goes away on business trips all the time, and Magnus convinces himself that it's almost as if his husband is away on a particularly long trip. 

After the incident with Simon, Magnus refuses to let anymore visitors into the apartment, and he prefers it this way. He just tells everyone that he's fine but he really needs them to respect his privacy and he wants some time alone to deal with this on his own. He starts working on his business proposals with Raphael again - they do everything via Skype anyway, and he knows that Raphael will report back to everybody else that Magnus seems fine over video conference - cheerful, even. 

With no visitors around, Magnus can talk freely to Alec - like Alec is always on the phone with him, or in the next room, just out of sight. Alec figures out how to use the Echo to control other electronic devices around the house like their laptops, TV, phones, even the washing machine and Roomba. He surprises Magnus by ordering flowers for him one day, and orders takeout from their favourite Italian place on another when he notices Magnus hasn't remembered to eat lunch. While Magnus works, Alec helps to do the laundry and clean the house. He adjusts the thermostat in the middle of the night if it gets too cold, and waking up to Alec's voice is far superior to the alarm clock. Having to avoid all their family and friends seems like a small price to pay, although a part of Magnus knows that he can't avoid all of them forever, and even if Magnus can't exactly kiss him or hug him, Magnus thought that he'd lost Alec forever - he'll take anything he can get. Besides, they can still share jokes, talk about their day, flirt, and yes - have sex.

Two weeks after Alec took control of the Echo, they're in the bedroom - the black cylinder on the nightstand, and Magnus naked on the bed with his legs tied at the knees and spread wide by thick black bondage straps fastened around his ankles and fixed to a contraption under the mattress. Magnus is wearing a blindfold but his hands are technically free - he's got his arms crossed behind his back and he's just lying on them. His cock and balls are bound by a cock ring, and there's a vibrating dildo inside his ass, one of their favourite toys - it has a slight bump near the base that presses right into his prostate, an "arm" branching out from the base that massages his perineum, and best of all, it's remote-controlled. Normally Magnus holds the controls in his hand and adjusts the settings according to Alec's instructions, but now the remote control rests on the nightstand next to the Echo, just out of reach. 

"I like being able to see your face. Normally I just get a view of your ass and cock - not that it isn't a great view," Alec says. "Hell, you look fucking amazing with your ass filled up like that and your cock so hard."

Magnus moans as the vibrations go up a notch, enough to keep him on edge but not enough to get him off; Alec has had him suspended at this precipice for what seems like eternity, and his cock is achingly hard. "Alexander, _please_."

"Please what?" 

"Let me come."

"No. I'm not done with you yet. But you can put your hands palm up on the bed."

Magnus sits up just enough to free his arms, and the movement presses the dildo a little harder into his prostate. He can't help rocking a little, trying to chase the sensation, and Alec hums in displeasure. 

"I didn't say you could do that. I was going to let you touch your cock, but now I've changed my mind. Put your hands on your stomach and slide them slowly up your chest." 

Magnus complies, imagining that Alec's the one touching him. 

"Now I want you to pinch your nipples. Pinch them hard - make them pink for me."

Magnus groans in pleasure as he starts playing with his nipples, rolling the sensitive nubs between his thumbs and index fingers. They're already tender from previous "punishments" but Alec knows Magnus likes it a little rough, especially when he's so close. Magnus starts pinching and tugging them hard enough to hurt, but it's a good hurt, and Alec rewards him by increasing the vibrations another notch. 

"Didn't say you could stop. Keep playing with them," Alec instructs. "There's a beautiful drop of precome at the tip of your cock. God, I wish I could lick that right off and swallow your gorgeous cock all the way into my throat."

"Fuck, Alexander, please," Magnus gasps, squirming at the memory of all the times Alec has done just that. 

"You're so beautiful like this. Makes me want to ride your cock until we both come."

The vibrator is turned all the way up to maximum now, and Magnus whimpers, hips rocking desperately. 

"Put a hand on yourself, fuck your fist, and imagine that's my ass you're fucking."

Magnus is only too glad to obey, jerking himself off hard and fast, and it only takes a few strokes for him to come with a cry of Alec's name.

The vibrator stops immediately, which he's thankful for. Magnus takes a moment to catch his breath, then takes off his blindfold and cock ring, unties the bindings on his legs, and eases the toy out of his body with a sigh that is both satisfaction from a mind-blowing orgasm and disappointment at finding himself alone in their bedroom.

"I miss you," Magnus says unthinkingly. Alec doesn't respond, and it takes Magnus a few seconds to realise why. 

If they were having phone sex or Skype sex because Alec is away, at this point, Alec usually tells him that he misses him too and he'll be back home soon, just a few days to go before he's back in Magnus' arms and they can see and touch each other properly. It hits him so suddenly that he wasn't expecting it, but Alec isn't coming home. He's never coming home again. 

Magnus' face crumples with grief, and he lets out a gasp of sorrow that feels like it's been ripped out of his chest. 

"Babe? Magnus, don't cry," Alec whispers, his voice aching with the twin of Magnus' grief. 

But Magnus can't stop the tears. He thought he was ok with this, and these last two weeks of having Alec back has been a goddamned miracle. It's sheer greed to even ask for more than this. Why can't he just be happy with having Alec's ghost in the apartment, with having Alec's voice and Alec's laughter in his life? He cries almost as hard as when the news of Alec's death finally sank in, and he can feel Alec's helplessness in his silence. 

"Do you want me to go?" Alec finally asks. 

"No! God, Alexander, no. Don't go, please don't go," Magnus begs, wiping his tears away hurriedly. "I'll be fine, I'm just having a moment."

"Ok, it's ok. I'm still here," Alec says. "I'll be right here watching you sleep, like a creep."

Magnus laughs despite his tears. "Are you going to make your adorable little snoring noises too?" 

"Hey, we've talked about this. I don't snore," Alec says huffily, and Magnus laughs a little more. 

He dries his tears and goes off to wash his face and clean up. When he steps back into the bedroom, the Echo is dark, and Magnus has a moment of panic. 

"Alexander?" 

"I'm here," Alec murmurs. "Go to sleep."

Magnus nods and gets into bed. "Promise me that you'll still be here in the morning," Magnus whispers into the darkness of the room. 

"If I could, I'd stay with you forever," Alec replies quietly. 

The next morning, Magnus wakes up to silence. No "Good morning, babe" from Alec, no off-key humming. Magnus doesn't know how he knows but he does - the black cylinder on the nightstand is just a _thing _now. Alec never breaks his promises, but Magnus realises belatedly that technically Alec didn't promise that he would be here in the morning. 

"Alexander?"

"How can I help you?" the cylinder on the table responds in a cool electronic voice. Alec is gone.

Magnus feels the tears welling up in his eyes, too sudden for him to blink away. "Alexa, do you have a message for me from Alexander?" he asks softly.

"Yes."

The running notes from the piano introduction of [a familiar jazz piece](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQNnIHNHnnY) ripples out of the speaker - '_I'll Be Seeing You'_ by Billie Holiday. Magnus remembers this song well. Alec wasn't really one for music, preferring to listen to audiobooks when he listened to anything at all, but Alec had gotten teary over this particular song before. The scientists had played it to the little Mars rover Opportunity when they had lost contact with it, and something about the idea of playing a love song to a scrappy little robot lost forever so far from home had made his usually stoic Alexander a little bit emotional. Through the speakers, Alec's last message to him is a borrowed voice singing, 

_I'll be seeing you_  
_In every lovely summer's day_  
_And everything that's bright and gay_  
_I'll always think of you that way_

Magnus curls into a ball with his arms wrapped tightly around himself, as if he can stop himself from falling to pieces, and buries his face in the pillow to muffle the sobs that wrack his body so that they won't echo through their empty apartment. 

\--

It feels like he's lost Alec all over again, and this time he can't even talk to anyone about it. 

He understands why Alec left, of course he does. Alec only ever had his best interests at heart, and he probably thought that he was holding Magnus back from moving on, but Alec doesn't understand that Magnus _doesn't_ want to move on, won't and _can't_ \- that there are some heartbreaks you never recover from, and some people take a piece of you with them when they leave. But Magnus tries his best to get back up on his feet and go on living, because that's what Alec would have wanted. One foot in front of the other, one excruciating step at a time, even if the world has turned grey overnight and nothing means anything anymore. 

Magnus stops going to many places that he used to go to with Alec - restaurants, galleries, even the Hunter's Moon, although Maia completely understands because that's where he proposed to Alec. Maybe some day he'll be able to go back to these places again, but it's probably not going to be for a very long time. He wraps the Echo up carefully in bubblewrap and keeps it in a box on the topmost shelf in the study - he can't possibly throw it away but he can't look at it either. He even considers moving out and finding a new apartment, but they've lived here since they graduated from college and it's rent controlled. 

Then he comes home one Monday evening after a meeting with an investor to find a stranger sitting on the steps that lead up to his apartment, and her face lights up when she sees him. She looks a bit too pale, a bit too thin, like she's been recovering from a long and very serious illness. She has short black hair, unevenly cut like she chopped it off herself, and striking hazel eyes not too unlike a pair of eyes that had caught Magnus' attention the same way once. Something about the look in her eyes makes Magnus' heart ache. 

"Um... Hi," she says, smiling tentatively at him.

"Do I know you?" Magnus asks warily.

"I... ok, this is going to sound a bit crazy," she says a little nervously. 

A few months ago, Magnus' Amazon Echo was possessed by the ghost of his dead husband. Magnus has a good tolerance for crazy. "Try me," Magnus says. 

"So I apparently was in a really bad place a few months ago - quarter-life crisis or something, got fired, got dumped by my boyfriend, not very sure what happened. But anyway, I got so fucking high on angel dust that I had a stroke."

"Angel dust?" Magnus asks with a frown. 

"Apparently you lace a joint and smoke it and it makes everything go away," she says, gesturing, and Magnus can't help watching her hands. It's an oddly _Alec_ mannerism.

"So the doctors declared me brain dead and pulled the plug... and then I started breathing again on my own five seconds after they signed the death certificate." She's clearly expecting him to laugh or mock her, but when he says nothing she continues, "But there was some brain damage or something because I had no memories at all. I recovered really quickly after that though, and the hospital was nice enough to waive the bill because they said it was some sort of miracle, a second chance. Then I started having these... _dreams_. All these things that people tell me about my life don't make sense, everything feels weird and wrong, and I keep dreaming of this other life where I have a sister and two brothers, and parents..."

She swallows hard and looks at Magnus like she can't believe he's real. "And I keep dreaming about _you_. I thought I was going crazy - I heard this old jazz song on the radio the other day, the one that they played to the robot they lost on Mars, and it hurt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest. Then yesterday, I was in Chinatown getting to a job interview and I walked past this pub called the Hunter's Moon, and I can't even remember which high school I went to but I walked in and I knew where everything was and that the bartender with the afro was the owner. And I just knew that I had to try and see if you were real too."

She's obviously waiting for Magnus to say something, anything, but Magnus just stares at her. He doesn't dare to hope, doesn't think his heart can survive hoping and having that hope taken away again. It's safer to assume this is some cruel prank, but... 

A shuttered look comes over the girl's face. "I didn't mean to trouble you, I'm sorry," she mutters, and in the moment that she turns away and starts running, Magnus' heart lurches. 

"Wait!" he calls after her, giving chase. His legs are longer and he knows he can catch up to her easily, but he's so intent on making sure he doesn't lose sight of her that he doesn't see the bicycle turning round the corner. 

The cyclist swerves to avoid him but only just barely misses him, and Magnus is knocked to the ground. Magnus lands hard, using his hands to break his fall, and the pavement scrapes bloody gashes into his skin. 

"Magnus, are you ok?" the girl cries out, rushing back to help him up. 

"I didn't tell you my name. How did you know my name?" Magnus asks thickly. His name isn't on the list next to the apartment's doorbell buzzers, not really - that just says 'Lightwood-Bane'.

The girl blinks. Her mouth is open but no sounds are coming out. 

"I don't know. I just knew," she finally says a little helplessly. 

"Maybe we can go upstairs to my apartment to talk, to try to make sense of this," Magnus suggests. "What's your name?" 

She shrugs. "It doesn't really feel right, but they told me my name is Alexa - y'know, like the Amazon thing?"


End file.
